The past few days I had been feeling a lot of inertia, with today being my random burst of energy and purpose. That seems to be my pattern of late. I spend my days in this bone-deep and crippling sensation that I am moving through water. Even the simplest task seems astronomically daunting. Driving to pick up my abstinent meal seems to be a nightmare. Before starting with this abstinence there were days I simply wouldn't eat until my husband got home from work because I simply couldn't get up the energy to order pizza.
I cared for my son, but I prayed and prayed for him to nap, and keep napping. I called my mother to try and visit her so she could chase him and play with him between nap times.
Today I got a lot of work done and got my Christmas cards out, which is wonderful. But now I don't want to go to bed because I am dreading tomorrow and the return of the weight. On those dragging days I feel like I weigh a few thousand pounds. And I feel beyond old - I feel ancient.
I'm going to go catch some sleep - after all the baby will wake up long before I'm ready - but I wanted to at least write a little bit.
