Today's For Today Workbook posed the question "What would my life be like if I let my Higher Power free me completely from compulsive eating and disease-ridden thinking?"
I laughed when I read this, because I had just spent the previous hour writing a long email to my boyfriend explaining my thoughts and reactions to a long conversation we had discussing our relationship, where it was going, and what his concerns were going forward. Among those concerns was the idea that I have a lot of chaos in my life.
I wanted to laugh in his face and tell him what my life was like before program. If he wanted to see real chaos he should have met me then. But this prompt came up in my workbook and I smiled. Because it is precisely that disease-ridden thinking that means I have to put those thoughts into an email rather than tell him. I get too distracted in person and go off topic. But in an email I can organize my thoughts and prevent the rambling.
But the thing that struck me the most about this was just how much of the mental acrobatics I could avoid if I let go of my diseased thinking. My thoughts wouldn't be turned on whether I was good enough or what someone else thinks of me. I wouldn't need to stop myself to give the gentle reminder that other people's opinion of me is none of my business. I wouldn't need to stop myself from going down a spiral of diseased thoughts when life throws me an unexpected curve ball.
I think that the best answer is to pray for my Higher Power to give me the willingness to let the diseased thinking go. When I ask for relief when that diseased thinking strikes, I find I receive it very quickly. I don't know that I'll ever reach a point where I won't have the diseased thinking. Thankfully I do have tools to help me reduce the impact those thoughts have on my life. So for today I'll aim for progress, not perfection, and hope for the best!
