When I first came into OA, I grabbed a sponsor my first meeting. The first thing she discussed was making an inventory of red light, yellow light, and green light foods. Red light foods were those which I knew I could not eat safely. Yellow light foods were those that I would have to be cautious around. Green light foods were those foods I could eat without fear of triggering compulsive overeating.
A few weeks ago I purchased a workbook at my Thursday night meeting. I turned to the first page and read the prompt before deciding to wait for instruction from my sponsor to begin this workbook. But the past weeks I have been thinking about that prompt, and for me the thoughts don't really go away until I let them go (i.e. write them down).
The prompt reads: "In OA we are encouraged to take a good look at our compulsive eating, obesity, and the self-destructive things we have done to avoid obesity - the dieting, starving, over-exercising, or purging." Here is a First-Step inventory of my compulsive eating history.
This isn't going to be a full response to that prompt, but this prompt made me think about why my work with my first sponsor was doomed to fail. Everything is a red or yellow light food! I have managed to binge at least once on all of the following [and by binge I mean overeat to an extreme degree often resulting in physical illness or extreme discomfort]:
Meats
grilled chicken breast
chicken/turkey cold cuts
bologna
hot dogs
sausage
(turkey) bacon
steak
ground beef
ground turkey
meatballs
beef jerky
ground lamb
lamb/chicken/beef kebab
Dairy
cheese [everything from goats cheese and brie to cheddar and pepper jack]
(Greek) yogurt
ice cream [not sure that should really count as dairy]
cottage cheese
sour cream [have sat down with a spoon to eat this before]
cream cheese [although I did add some sugar to it before I ate it]
eggs [scrambled, poached, over medium, hard boiled, medium boiled]
Breads/Grains
All [everything from bread to oatmeal to falafel and more]
Fruits
apples [which was a terrible idea since I am allergic to them]
(dry) apricots
avocado
bananas
blueberries
cherries
coconut
grapes
honeydew
mandarin
cantaloupe [also an allergically bad idea - I thought my mouth would never stop itching]
watermelon
nectarine
orange
peach
pear
plums
pineapple
salsa [of various origins - yum]
strawberry
tangerine
Vegetables
artichoke [that was a painful binge. . .]
black beans
chickpeas
green beans
kidney beans
lentils
pinto beans
soy beans
peas
broccoli
cabbage [another terrible idea intestinally speaking]
cauliflower [amazingly tasty with lemon juice]
celery [an unpleasant binge since I hate celery - but I ate it all anyway]
corn
okra
yellow & orange bell pepper
pepperochinis [that was some awful heart burn]
beets
carrots
pickled turnips [so tasty, but so painful in large quantities]
spinach
cucumber
zucchini
pumpkin
potato
sweet potato
yam
water chestnuts
Sweets
All
I have even binged on juices, soda, energy drinks, coffee, tea, and once drank so much water that I threw my electrolites completely out of whack.
That isn't to say I even like all the foods I've binged on. While a lot of my binging is related to the foods I like to eat, it isn't always about the food. Sometimes it is about that feeling of being painfully full - full to the point of vomiting. As in the above-mentioned celery binge, it was about inflicting punishment upon myself.
A food plan based upon avoiding trigger foods is nearly impossible when everything is a trigger. That's why my own food plan - eating virtually the same thing every day - works for me. There is no need to think or plan or be at the mercy of my binges. I eat my food and leave it at that. In the simplicity I [usually] find peace.
