Foreword to Second Edition
This section discusses the beginnings of AA and the discoveries made b the physician and broker who started the group.
". . . the necessity of belief in and dependence upon God." - xvi
I was once told that your higher power can be anything or any one, so long as it is something you are willing to put your faith in and surrender the power to. I'm not an atheist or even an agnostic, but I have a hard time believing that God will be the one to take away this insanity. At this stage my higher power is my sponsor. I can't manage my own food and I can't manage my own recovery. I'm just not equipped with the necessary tools to do this.
The thing is, I have prayed to God for help. I have prayed for many things, but it just never seems like He answers. Or if He is answering, it isn't in any way that I'm going to be able to hear. So if He's going to be inclined to answer now, He's going to have to do it through the voice of my sponsor.
And it isn't that I don't think He listens to prayers. For instance, I really attribute it to His grace that I found OA in the first place. But I can't sit and wait for something to happen. There's a great joke about a man who goes to a statue of St. Peter and prays every day to win the lottery. One day his forlorn tear strikes the foot of the statue and St. Peter comes to life and says to the man "for the love of God, buy a lottery ticket!"
". . . the theory that only [a compulsive overeater] could help [a compulsive overeater], but he succeeded only in keeping [abstinent] himself." - xvi
I always could remember getting angry at skinny people or people who were in great shape when they would talk to me about their "weight struggles". My mother is a prime example. She goes on about how she battles with food, and how it is so difficult for her to give up breads and all the other things she'll do depending on which fad diet she is following at a given time. I get that she is tempted and she really wants to eat the bread or whatever it is she gave up.
And I understand the determination it takes for those people who are in great shape to keep getting out of bed in the morning to exercise. But most of those people never got out of bed carrying another person in weight and went for that run. They get the satisfaction of feeling good after exercising and looking in the mirror and feeling accomplishment. All I get is the feeling that I'm going to die and a view of the same old fat ass I always see.
It is like someone who once sprained an ankle trying to tell a paraplegic that they "totally understand." My need to diet isn't about those extra four pounds I gained on vacation. I need to lose, conservatively speaking, at least fifty pounds. I probably should lose more like eighty or ninety pounds.
But my mentor's mentor lost over three hundred pounds - if there's someone who understands what it is to face a mountain, he's it. The people at OA who are working the steps and fighting these demons - they understand. They have a frame of reference for what I'm talking about and what I'm going through. And they've managed to pull through to the other side. And once I get to the other side, it's my turn to pull others across, because that's the only way to stay where I need to be. To remember the struggle and the suffering. Because if I let myself forget, like I did when I had my baby, then I'm going to be right back in hell again.
". . . in order to save himself he must carry his message to another [compulsive overeater]." - xvi
See above.
". . . began to pursue the spiritual remedy for his malady with a willingness he had never before been able to muster." - xvi
It's amazing the power of hope. At the end of the day, I am the one who is picking up the food and putting it into my mouth. But if I leave control of the food choices to my sponsor, I can succeed where previously I failed. And that's a powerful motivator.
But I love the description of this as the pursuit of a spiritual remedy for the malady. It is such a beautiful way to describe this problem. Whenever my mom gets on me about my weight and asks how much I've lost, I always tell her: "I don't weigh in." She gets upset, but I shake my head and tell her, "the weight is a symptom of the disease, not the disease itself." That is what I learned in my first go at OA. This disease is both spiritual and physical, and all the doctors in the world are going to be helpless to cure it without that spiritual remedy.
I am seeking a spiritual remedy for my malady.
"This seemed to prove that one [compulsive overeater] could affect another as no non[compulsive overeater] could." - xvi-xvii
See above.
"There were many failures, but there was an occasional heartening success." - xvii
The rest of this section goes on to talk about the spread of AA and the fact that people kept coming back. Those who really tried either succeed immediately, eventually succeeded, or just simply got better. And many who left at first eventually came back.
This just resonated with me because I see and hear so much how people keep coming back to OA after they leave. If people keep returning to this program for the answer, it obviously is waiting there. And there eventually will be that one meeting that clicks. So even if there are going to be failures on my road, I can still look forward to an occasional heartening success.
